Thursday, January 28, 2010

Time-Out Thursday

I need a time out. Like an actual time out, like I have been bad. This week has been unusually difficult (family wise) and I lost my temper. I won't say with who or what I said because I am not THAT kind of a person. Believe me when I say a lot of built up tension came to a head and I didn't hold back. Now I feel bad. NOT because what I said wasn't true, but just the opposite. The truth hurts and  I am sure that it didn't feel good to hear. I am a stubborn, strong person who will sit back and take whatever nonsense is being thrown my way. I believe in standing up for myself and my family and I will until the day I die.

In light of this "incident" (that will now never go away) I have been thinking about my past and the way I was raised. I have the best parents. Growing up, my dad was a fighter pilot (A-10's, A-7s, F-16) and an American Airlines pilot. He was the 'cool' dad. All the boys wanted to be him. In high school, the boys from the football team (my boyfriend at the time was on the team) would be at my house when I wasn't even there. They would be talking to my dad in the garage or sitting at the kitchen table having homemade cookies and drinking soda. My mom was "mom" to everyone. She always made sure that there were plenty of snacks in the house and was always willing to have company. Growing up we ALWAYS had dinner together. No question- dinner 5:30 or 5:45- all of us around the table. Honestly, there were times when I was just plain annoyed that we had to do it again- for crying out loud we saw each other every day! But, graciously, my parents would have dinner and I would always have a friend there. We would talk about our day, laugh, make fun of each other etc. My sister and I monopolized the conversation and my soft spoken brother would search for a break (usually when we took a bite) to jump in. Dinner at our house was sacred.

Growing up, my parents were strict. I had a curfew, I had to tell them where I was going, who I was going to be with, and if parents were going to be there or not. Before I got a cell, I had to call FROM THE FRIENDS HOUSE so the number would show up on the caller ID. If there was a boy involved, both parents met him and believe me when I say, my dad can be intimidating.

The thing I remember the most is that I didn't like the rules, but I didn't protest them because I knew I wouldn't win. I RESPECTED my parents as my PARENTS. They didn't try to be my friend- they lead by example and now I am grateful for that.

My parents trusted us. If I was going to be late, I would call and tell them the truth. If I told them I was at a party- no parents weren't there- this is the address, I will be home 30 minutes late, then 90% of the time, they would let me. They trusted me because they brought us up with boundaries and rules. They didn't buy us things all the time.We learned to value our things and be grateful for what we had. We were not spoiled by any means. And believe when I tell you that we did not back talk. IF we did we were instantly punished. We weren't even allowed to say sucks or pissed off! We learned how to talk to grown ups (Mr. or Mrs.) and we would say hello and goodbye to people when we went to their house (without being told to). We were brought up with morals and values and I am so glad!

Now I am best friends with my mom, but I am 29. She will call me out when I am being stupid making questionable decisions, she is still my mom, and I will always respect her in that manner.

Now that I have my own kids, and 2 step-kids, I am learning very quickly what kind of parent I want to be. Dinner at our house- not an option. We sit down, we eat, the table is cleared, dishes are done. Delaney puts her clothes in the laundry basket and will have chores as she grows up. Kaylie and Daylen have a lot of rules here and I know more will arise as they get older. We won't put up with back talk or lies. I want Kaylie and Daylen to be role models for the little ones. I want our kids growing up with values and morals and respecting adults. I am so happy that I had a great childhood with parents who knew how to parent. I know that I will pass that on to my kids.
Happy 32nd anniversary mom and dad!

Our family-they make me smile:)


  1. Nicole, I could have written this word for word! Well, except my dad is not a pilot ;) But really, we were raised the same way, and I want to do the same with my kids. Dinner is not an option here either, and it is one of those things that I firmly believe is crucial. It seems small, but it's not! It's such a huge thing. A definite time of togetherness. Love this post. A lot.

  2. Your parents are definitely cool! That was a nice tribute to them! And yes, we all lose our tempers from time to time, but we learn from those moments, and sometimes, they just needed to happen! :)

  3. Nicole -- you always make me laugh, your post just made me 'happy cry', you give so much of yourself to everyone you love! Daddy and I both thank you for the lovely words and heartfelt sentiments! When I think back on all the family dinners, shuttling you everywhere in the mini-van and the kids who traisped in the door to head straight for the cookie jar -- I know how blessed we've been to have had all those 'growing up' years with you, Danielle and Josh. Never doubt that you are a wonderful mother --
    Love you, sweetie!

  4. OMG - You need to join my Time Out for Theta Mom Thursday meme! I host it once a month on my blog. I just did one yesterday...sounds like you should check it out and join us next month!

    And thanks for the comment on my blog. Following you! :)

  5. We have had the same week. My New Year starts Feb 1... all fresh and new: )
    I still make everyone sit at dinner and enjoy family time. Our exception is on a family movie night when I let them break out their little t.v. trays and eat pizza and on practice night when we are all running in 5 directions.
    Wonderful to hear about your mom and dad!!! I pray that Billy and I make it: )

  6. No worries about you being a great mom!

  7. What a great blog! I didn't get a chance to know your Dad very well growing up but I always loved your Mom and still do. We had family dinner together also and I want to continue the tradition.


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