Regrets

We had such a great, busy weekend full of family and friends. I would show you pictures, but you see my stupid computer doesn't work and neither does my stupid camera. SO I have pictures on 3 different cameras and pictures on 3 different computers. Anyway, like I said, good times this weekend. We spent Saturday at my friend, Ami's, house. See, she has triplets and they are turning one! Ami was nice enough to let me make the babies cakes! I was super excited. At the birthday party, I was looking around and immediately had millions of thoughts running through my head. My friend Sarah is pregnant. She is beautiful and happy and loving being pregnant. I am so excited for them as well, but I couldn't help but think back to my pregnancies. I regret so much about that time. I regret that I didn't enjoy it more. Honestly, both pregnancies made me feel like my butt was going to fall out at any moment (I carried them SUPER low). I counted the days until the babies came and I am sad about that now. I regret that I don't have any pictures really of when I was pregnant. I have more with Delaney than with Brody and I am so bummed. I loved feeling the babies move and knowing that I was growing somebody, but I never stopped to enjoy it. I regret that I didn't breastfeed them longer. I really do. I regret not savoring the moments of having newborns. I regret not teaching them how to sleep- so much! I regret not having pictures with the kids when they were babies. I regret not being the mom I always thought I would be. I look at Ami and she lives in every moment of her babies and I don't.....
I hate having these regrets and to be honest, they don't even scratch the surface. I don't even know why I am writing this except to maybe face these regrets and be held accountable from now on. I don't want to have regrets anymore.

Now that I have bummed everyone out, I will have fun pictures tomorrow of the awesome party and the aire show:)

And Sarah....enjoy what's left of your pregnancy and enjoy your baby:)

The Day My Life Changed

That day was yesterday....3 years ago. My friends, Ami and Mary, and I drove to New Mexico to visit our friend, Anabelle, over Rodeo Break (yes, if you are not from here...the kids get 2 days off of school for the RODEO!). Anyway, we made the drive up there and had a great first night! The next day, Friday, we went to school with Anabelle (she is a kindergarten teacher:). It was fun to see another school, plus we all got to help out in the classroom-nothing like having 4 kinder teachers in one room! That night I was zonked. I was so tired and I thought that my stomch felt strange. We had some mudslides and Ami was getting annoyed with me saying my stomach felt weird and said..."Oh my God....just go take a pregnancy test already!" Turns out, she had one in her purse. At this time, Ami was trying to have a baby and hadn't gotten pregnant yet....so when I asked her how long it takes, she very quickly replied, "It usually takes about 3 minutes for it to say f*** you." Huh.... I thought that was very clever. I went upstairs because I didn't want an audience and closed the door. I could hear them outside, thinking they were being so sneaky... and I remember my hand was shaking. It was shaking so bad, that I peed on my hand! As I yell to them this overshare, I look down and not 30 seconds have gone by and the little screen says PREGNANT. OMG. Still shaking, I went out of the bathroom, looked down and saw Ami, Mary and Anabelle staring up at me and I very wisely ask, "Is there such a thing as a false positive?" When Mary says no....I say, "Well, then I am pregnant!!!" I will never forget their faces....instantly all three put their hands over their mouths and their eyes welled up with tears. I suddenly felt very hot and got very red. I remember sitting down on Anabelle's couch with a million things swirly through my head. I was thinking about telling Eric, telling the kids, telling my parents (ok really my dad- weird thing to tell a dad), what Ami was feeling, etc. Now I know this doesn't make me mother of the year, but I was pretty tipsy (I didn't know I was pregnant) and didn't want to tell Eric over the phone, while I had been drinking, that I was pregnant. So we came up with a plan (really THEY came up with it, I was just frozen with shock). Ami figured out what my due date would roughly be and she made a calendar with the month and on the day it said special delivery. She also made little picture frames that said, I Love My Granparents, I Love My Aunt Danielle and I Love My Uncle Josh. The next day we went to the mall and the girls snuck into Old Navy and bought me 2 onesies and a bear. My first baby gifts!

That Sunday, we drove home and my heart was pounding. I knew Eric would be excited, but it is still a scary thing to say out loud....I mean you are changing everyone's lives that are close to you. We got home and I immediately called Eric upstairs to tell him. I told him that he needed to keep Nov open and he asked why, so I gave him the calendar. He read it and totally got it! He was so excited!!!!! He couldn't keep it from the kids so we told them right away too (I was very nervous to tell them) and they were excited! I believe Kaylie said, "It better be a girl". Then off to tell my parents. I don't know why, but I was SO nervous about it. Not to tell my mom, I knew she would be excited, but to tell my dad... he'd know....ya know;) We give them the frame that says I Love My Grandparents and in the middle it says 'picture to be inserted Nov.2007'. My mom didn't really read the fine print and thought it was very nice that their new step-grandkids were giving them this frame. I told them to read the fine print and I will never forget my dad, "No way....so it was immaculate conception then". And by this time my mom was crying and was calling everyone she knew. We called Eric's family to tell them and then it was on to the rest of the world.

That trip was special. It was the last time we went on a trip without babies in our lives, it was a moment that I will never forget, it was the day I realized that my life would never be the same again.

Here I am, just a few weeks pregnant....freaking out!

Mary, Me, Anabelle, Ami

The memories....

ps. Here are the blogs from 2 of the ladies (Mary doesn't have one yet)

Ami (she finally got her wish to have a family when she became pregnant with triplets)
Here's her blog:  http://www.bunchbabies.blogspot.com/  The Best Things in Life Are Three

Anabelle's blog (all about the adventures of her little Jaxon)
Here's her blog:  http://www.jaxonpearson.blogspot.com/  Keeping Up With The Pearsons